If I had met Obama and Unye

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So when potus met pork (president of the United States of America – POTUS, president of the Republic of Kenya – PORK)… Don’t even think of acronym of Nigeria, the social network was abuzz with what went on and who met whom.
Well I also did meet the two ‘kinda’.

Due to no effort from my end and after a rigorous security check by the US national security agency nsa, drug enforcement agency dea, cia, fbi, secret service and not to forget the Kenyan side; I was finally approved to meet the two after a vetting session by kavulundi and parliament.

So how was the meeting?

Unfortunately after a Friday party to celebrate obama’s landing, I was incapacitated and only recovered on Monday when potus was in addis.

So what is unye asking obama,  ‘you also know the guy…small world it has become ‘

SWITCH OFF OF THE FAKES ….WHAT NEXT

On the first of october 2012 about a million fake mobile phones were switched off in kenya. To the million subscribers my heart felt sympathies. A week before this i was using such a device a ‘nokla’ not a nokia for your info. It did look like a nokia xpress with its red trimming on its sides but lacked the essentials features of the real deal. What the nokla lacked in features and character was replaced by a wireless fm radio , three slots for sim cards and even a microsd slot. But lo it claim for having bluetooth was just that a claim so is the internet. But its ring tones and volume was so loud that once had me in a dialema. You see while going home late one night in a very dangerous section of my neighbourhood, my drunk brothers started calling me. My device was so loud and its disco lights made me any easy target for the street thieves. Fortunately the same noise did give courage to some ‘neighbours’ to join me. This notwithstanding the devise had its many ups and definately too many downs. For instance i stopped using the nokla while in a bathroom or toilet, it just used to lose network , maybe it had good toilet manners

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,300 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 38 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

DABO DABO AND THE SMART WAY TO STEAL

It has been a while and it doesn’t feel all that strange just a bit awkward for not having been blogging for a some time.

As folks get into the season of merry making and the odd present or two, our kenyan companies like most companies around the world are at it again. Buy two and get one free…or get the large bottle and get 15% free….

its that time for ‘free’ stuff…. and if you have no stuff to give and all you are selling is air then you either tell your customers that if you watch me and incessantly text me from morning till evening you me walk into our studio and have your picture taken with a big size cheque of say 1,000,000 kenya shilling.

Kwachu, tazama, ma mili are all very clever ways to make money from broke desperate kenyans like me. lets calculate here and see how we get robbed in living daylight

To send a Text message via GSM mobile network in kenya is roughly 3 shilling (that’s if you have to send across networks). So having gained my trust as your preferred television channel for the important soap opera from Mexico and Philippines (I like the one with a beautiful doctor who is a fashion designer who falls in love with  some guy), anyway because they have given me this important (i would die if I miss) television programme, I tend to believe that they have my best interest at heart.

Back to my Text messaging, so the television station tells me that I must keep watching this very educative and entertaining piece of mastery art and send to e preferred number an sms saying tazama, ma mili or something bla bla bla.   and the more a send the higher the chances are for me winning half a million or one million bob.

So what do I do, I get onto my phone book and text as many people while calling other asking them to join me in the quest of making me a millionaire. Oh did I forget to say that while I talk more on my networking i have a chance of also becoming a millionaire and winning a goat too.

Who ever that said that all good things comes in doubles was right.

Say but did you know that the cost of sending that SMS is 5 times more the cost of a normal SMS across the network. and by the time you finish reading this not so informative post that the companies involved will have made 20 times the prize money that they are giving per day.

Every time a winner dressed in their sunday best stands with a life size cheque of 500,000…the company involved will have made over 10 million bob. Not bad would you say..actually a brilliant how to get revenues quickly from desperate individuals like me.

and by the way you will have to pay tax on that winning that has you grinning from east to west.

Finally if you are not using a dual sim card mobile phone you must be from europe or the west. All cousins of mine those that live in Kabaka Land and Bongo land are all walking with a dabo dabo phone.

Its really a nice device…. when credit is over on one I just switch to the other and you know what caught my eye ….. it is the guarantee given by the device makers 24months plus 1..

that would mean that each side has an extra 15 days….so what if it fell on february….I was born in february by the way.

DADDAB, BUSINESS AND THE DONKEY

I recently went to shoot a docu at the Daddab refugee camp in north eastern Kenya. started some twenty years ago, the camp has now turned into a city of sought’s.

but it is not the size or status of the camp that caught my eye but rather the it was the side shows that made for an interesting tell tale.

there are three camps at daddab.. the population now stands at 525,000 that is of yesterday’s count. that number is most likely to increase whether were are at war with al shabab and ze border has been closed.

in this camps life goes on as if there is nothing amiss or any civil strife just 80 miles due east. anyway you have got your well laid streets in the camp with house gates….yes gates to the house since you do not want un welcomed persons to just waltz right in.

you see since the camp was established now twenty years old a boy or gal born then would have attained that age that allows for anything…and in this camp these good people do what is expected of life.

so while checking my camera kit I was invited to a bachelor party in hagadera… the groom had organised a lavish party that had the trappings on Nairobi and it was all going well untill one of the guests were had been overcome by the bleating of a sheep that he decided that only one could make noise.

so the good fellow run after the little sheep until the sheep felt tired and stopped. pitty the guy had not noticed that the sheep had stopped running or being chased.

and as that was going on I was happy to see an old acquaintance that happened to have met in while coming to daddab.

this man had walked for 80 plus mile towards garisa town looking for his donkey. his search had started two days earlier. he had reached his destination about four hours before we met and was now going back 80 plus miles to daddab and for him every thing had been dependannt on his noble donkey….
since leaving daddab he had shut down his shop and locals had been with out the services of grocery(s)…..didn’t know to put that line.

anyway the donkey had wondered into the daddab police station and the guy had done 160 miles

bag with no bang

Over the last few months I have been in and out of Kenya several times and I must say …. Kenyans have a pretty cool way of reaching handas in Kenya and marakan in Ethiopia.

So over the next couple of posts I will share my surprise visits to the high echelons of power to the sublime and also not fancy street corners where dollars are exchanged at buyer’s say where fake means actually feasible and where original costs the right connections.

so brace yourself for what i have been through in the most entertaining way (i was entertained by it) hope you do.

HOT AIR IN AIRTEL ONE NETWORK

One Network (started by Zain) is a borderless mobile phone network across the Airtel Group which will enable customers to move freely between the countries in which Airtel operates, and be treated as “virtual” local customers of the visited network in terms of pricing, while retaining their home network service functionality.

One Network allows customers travelling to One Network countries to make outgoing calls/SMS at the same rates as local customers and recharge with local top-up cards or with home network top up cards while using the same number and SIM. Incoming calls however are charged at between $0.03 – 0.15 depending on the country the call is received from.

Well all this is not so….

Mid May while in the streets of Nairobi, I decided to buy an AIRTEL sim card. Why because of the above promised ‘ONE NETWORK’. But to my chagrin this was not the much touted service or platform.

First after crossing the border to Museveni’s territory, me phone went off thinking that it was a phone setting. For some reason my phone a Nokia E5 has very good specs and for all my world I wouldn’t have thought that AIRTEL would have any network coverage problem. For the record I did use the sim card while in Nairobi so I know the sim card works…but not in Uganda which is part of the so called one network.

So if cannot get any network signal on my phone from airtel then it’s unlikely for me to get zapped with money from my friends…. Wait damn it in Uganda the services is called airtel money not zap. Now if the names do not get in sync then be sure that zap is not airtel money even though airtel owns zap and airtel money.

I may be jumping to conclusions here since I heard that airtel Uganda is restructuring or something like that….but until then I am stuck with a new sim card that is registered but cannot work part of the network and I do suspect that if were to go to Tanzania the damn thingy won’t work there as well.

Now I have forgotten the telephone number I bought in Nairobi. I must be losing network or something

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